Being indifferent of how my brothers treat me now is just like self denial. I guess it does no worse cos' I am never in good relationships with them for more than a week in a year.

If it couldn't get better, now can't get any worse too.

Was switching in between 3 channels(That's all I have). Watched Black Beauty and Crossroads.
I knew Black Beauty was the story about the black horse yet I never bother to read.
First I was never too fond of reading. The only story of those sort that I read was Heidi. Period.
Second a story about a horse was not at all enticing to a kid who doesnt read much then.

Black Beauty was alright.Plots revolving animals in the lead are always touching in their own way.

Then I chanced upon Britney Spears' Crossroads.
A typical teen chick flick that promotes more on Britney's songs than the story.
Let's just say that those kinda teen chick flick was so then and we no longer go Awww... over it.
The last I watched was either something by Mandy Moore (Not A Walk To Remember(that was so sad...), something after that one when Mandy Moore cropped her hair short) or something by Lindsay Lohan which I so regretted.

Then again I realised how boring I've become. A boring young adult.
Losing interest at what once fascinated us yet paying more attention to the materials that couldn't last us till another life.
It's not what once fascinated our young heart that becomes boring but rather the once young heart dulls.
I was always so happy to watch cartoons but now I can't laugh along the same old ones.

Try telling me that life's a phase and cycle and at different points, we need to see different things.
There is something that I beg to differ but right now I can't pinpoint what it is.
Maybe when we are dead, we will know it.

And maybe I read too much of Mitch Albom that I begin to look at death in a different light.
I used to fear and now still kinda fear that there is nothing after death.What if there is nothing,really nothing. Not a soul, no soul.
It's painful to think of that cos' we hold on to what we have now too dearly. Then such a muse that we never treasure things enough while we have it.
Try reminding yourself a hundred times or just one time a day, you still find yourself not being able to treasure what you have.
Not being thankful for the basics in life and not satisfy with the possessions earned.

Anyway maybe after death, there is really something.Something else that we won't know yet.

Hating someone doesn't bring you anyway. Especially when you know time is limited in this place we live, there is no point to hate someone or anyone. Thus even my relationship with my siblings ain't going anywhere and perhaps never will, I make it a point not to hate them. And I know they will be regretting when time's up for any of us.

I am not waiting for my own death nor anyone else. But the world news told me today that the world is collasping. Intense global warming and ice bergs melting. We are facing another break of ice age and still there are so many ignorant souls saving and spending for just another LV.

Primary concern is we are too influenced what's going on now and we will never learn till we are threatened.

I figured that by thinking so much is one of the reasons that I often feel that I am less happy than others.
I kinda refused to accept what the society is teaching us and yet I am not strong enough to withstand all that on my own. And when I realised I am following it, I feel unhappy.

I feel that I am doing something I don't like. I feel that I am facing loads of shit everyday.
And I wanna seek what will makes me happy but I am not brave enough to go on my own.Do I use my parents as my excuse of not doing it then?Maybe...

I changed my route to work lately.
I walk past 2 kindergartens daily and I am happy to see the children.
The innocence couldnt be bought and is something we had.

Something we had...Think about that.